Today was a little surreal. I felt like I was going through the motions, but with a certain awareness. Is this the last time I will get my kids up and ready for school? Is this the last time I kiss and hold the children and Art? Is this the last time I put them to bed? Is this the last time for almost everything I did throughout the day. I tried not to go there, but could not help myself. I had butterflies in my tummy and had to make myself eat. It was a comfort to have Art home from work and Michelle by my side. I felt a certain sense of peace and joy this afternoon. I contribute this blessing to the numerous cards in the mailbox, that comforted me immensely. I can not express the love I have witnessed in prayer from everyone. My friends from childhood, high school, parents of my friends, family, tennis, and neighbors have changed my heart forever. Michelle and others have led my heart to believe that this tumor may already be smaller by the grace of gods will and love or maybe even gone. I am blessed to be where I am and I know there is a lesson. I just got an email that a fellow classmate has gone to be with God. My heart reaches out to Jody's family. She was an amazing spirit that touched many lives and always so sweet to me. I am again reminded of how blessed I am, even if I am a little scared. I will be in Gods care and in your hearts, how much safer could I be. Enough of me rambling.
We leave tomorrow for San Diego at 5am and have a preop meeting with the doctors at 2pm. My surgery call time Wednesday is at 10am (wish it was earlier) and I will be out in 5-8hrs. My mom surprised me and is coming in for the surgery. I was worried about her getting off work. I have the Lochers, my sisters, her principle and her fellow co-workers for making this happen. I cant wait to see her and have both my mom and dad hold my hands. I am excited to come home and begin life after BT. Besides, a very spiritual women once told me that she had visions of me taking care of Art in his 80's and he would be a little senile. I have never been so excited about dementia in my life. Art will be updating my blog while I am in the hospital. Thank you to everyone for all the heartfelt love and support. I will be Great!
